Post your best dad jokes.

[Greg5658]

I'm having my first kid so I need some good dad jokes to use on the family. Post your favorites here.

 

[Summitric]

HERE'S A FEW:

• "Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"
• "My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!"
• "How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut."
• "Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."
• "I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
• "What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."
• "Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"
• "Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."
• "Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "No, I don't think they'll fit me."
• "Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."
• "This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in."
• "Dad, can you put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire."
• "What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y."
• "How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles."

 

[team dirt]

What do you call 10 female pigs and ten male deers?





10 sows and bucks!!

 

[Ballzdeep]

I'm having my first kid so I need some good dad jokes to use on the family. Post your favorites here.

welcome to the dad gang! Be prepared to be turned into a mushy emotional cry baby at the first sight of your child, it's the best. Congrats

 

[NoBrakes!]

congrats, its a blast

 

[RXN]

Congrats. It's a blast.
They love farting sounds. Lol at least mine does

 

[RXN]

.....

 

[ducati]

Why do hamburgers go to the gym? To get better buns!

 

[pipes]

how do you make a kleenex dance?
you put a little boogie in it.

 

[winterax]

What did the horse say when he fell over ?

Help, I've fallen down and I can't giddy up

 

[winterax]

Why don't cats like to play poker in the jungle?

Too many chee tahs.

 

[BEL]

What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?

Close the door .... I'm dressing!

 

[BEL]

Tell your child you have a knock knock joke for them, but they have to start.

Wait and see what happens, the expression on their face when you say 'who's there' will be priceless.

 

[BEL]

Ask your child if they know what it means to go #1 or #2, once they've figured that out ask them what it means to go #5.

Answer: two 2's and a 1

 

[Summit X]

I like, what's a pirates favorite letter? arrr

 

[gibsons]

I like, what's a pirates favorite letter? arrr

You would think it's Rrrr, but it's actually the C he loves.

 

[Beer Slayer]

Pirate alphabet I believe is...
AAAAA
IIIIIII
RRRRR and the 7C's



What about "no arms and no legs" jokes...or am I going to hell for even mentioning that

What do you call a guy with a 1 inch penis....Justin. Maybe you should wait a couple years for that one.