Required: Sense of humor
- Thread starter albertagal500
- Start date
doo225
Member
green-horn
Active VIP Member
Remus Rudd
No matter what side of the political fence you're on, THIS is FUNNY and VERY telling! It just all depends on how you look at the same things.
Judy Harper an amateur genealogy researcher in Northern Ontario, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Prime Minister Stephen Harper's great-great uncle, Remus Rudd, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Winnipeg in 1889. Both Judy and Stephen Harper share this common ancestor.
The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows at the Manitoba Provincial Jail.
On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription:
'Remus Rudd horse thief, sent to Stoney Mountain Jail 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the CP AND CN trains six times.
Caught by Mounted Police Force, convicted and hanged in 1889.'
So Judy recently e-mailed Prime Minister Harper for information about their great-great uncle, Remus Rudd.
Believe it or not, Harper's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:
"Remus Rudd was famous in Ontario during the mid to late 1800s. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the CP and CN Railways..
Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroads.
In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the Mounted Police Force. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honour when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."
NOW That's how it's done, Folks!
No matter what side of the political fence you're on, THIS is FUNNY and VERY telling! It just all depends on how you look at the same things.
Judy Harper an amateur genealogy researcher in Northern Ontario, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Prime Minister Stephen Harper's great-great uncle, Remus Rudd, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Winnipeg in 1889. Both Judy and Stephen Harper share this common ancestor.
The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows at the Manitoba Provincial Jail.
On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription:
'Remus Rudd horse thief, sent to Stoney Mountain Jail 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the CP AND CN trains six times.
Caught by Mounted Police Force, convicted and hanged in 1889.'
So Judy recently e-mailed Prime Minister Harper for information about their great-great uncle, Remus Rudd.
Believe it or not, Harper's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:
"Remus Rudd was famous in Ontario during the mid to late 1800s. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the CP and CN Railways..
Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroads.
In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the Mounted Police Force. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honour when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."
NOW That's how it's done, Folks!
green-horn
Active VIP Member
A guy goes into a bar and there is a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini".
Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it so interesting, he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So... you gonna cheer for the Canucks again this year?"
The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini".
Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it so interesting, he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So... you gonna cheer for the Canucks again this year?"
green-horn
Active VIP Member
MURPHY'S OTHER 15 LAWS
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from Alberta would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14 . God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from Alberta would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14 . God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
eclipse1966
Active VIP Member
Subject: Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong , especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong , especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
somethingnuw
Active VIP Member
Subject: A few smiles...
Summiteer
Active VIP Member
Not my experience at all.....
I'm reaching out on behalf of a golf buddy of mine who needs some help!His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him getan erection. When he came back, he handed her some diet pills. Anyway, he'slooking for a place to live. Let me know if you can help
--
A man invites his mate back home for dinner, the wifescreams at him "
I've not done my hair, not done my make up, not done any housework,
Not done the dishes & can't be bothered withcooking !
What the f**k did You invite him round for ? "
"Cuz he's thinking of getting married "
Man Killed on GolfCourse
A foursome of guys was waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women washitting from the women's tee. The ladies were not rushing and were taking theirtime.
When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it ten feet. Then shewent over and whiffed it completely. Then she hacked it another ten feet andfinally hacked it another five feet.
She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said apologetically, "Iguess all those f~cking lessons I took over the winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately responded, "Well, there you have it. You shouldhave taken golf lessons instead!"
He never even had a chance to duck. He was only 66 . .
A foursome of guys was waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women washitting from the women's tee. The ladies were not rushing and were taking theirtime.
When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it ten feet. Then shewent over and whiffed it completely. Then she hacked it another ten feet andfinally hacked it another five feet.
She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said apologetically, "Iguess all those f~cking lessons I took over the winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately responded, "Well, there you have it. You shouldhave taken golf lessons instead!"
He never even had a chance to duck. He was only 66 . .
green-horn
Active VIP Member
A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots
a pair of boots she loves.
The husband says: ? No chance love, they`re way too expensive.
Later on in bed, the wife is just falling asleep when
the husband tries his luck and places his hand on
her hip.
She turns to him and says. I don`t think so mate.
If you`re not prepared to shoe the horse then you sure as hell aren`t riding it.
a pair of boots she loves.
The husband says: ? No chance love, they`re way too expensive.
Later on in bed, the wife is just falling asleep when
the husband tries his luck and places his hand on
her hip.
She turns to him and says. I don`t think so mate.
If you`re not prepared to shoe the horse then you sure as hell aren`t riding it.
green-horn
Active VIP Member
Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a Beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who Owns the
Big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said,
"I do....Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought
You'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready
To die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon
Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to
Run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him
Start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running
circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to
The saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy
Struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him
This time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,
"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin".
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who Owns the
Big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said,
"I do....Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought
You'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready
To die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon
Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to
Run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him
Start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running
circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to
The saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy
Struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him
This time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,
"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin".
green-horn
Active VIP Member
Newfie Directions...
An tourist in a small village he was visiting in Newfoundland, approached a local person and asked, "What's the quickest way to St. John's?
Jarge, the local, scratched his head, "Are ya walkin ER drivin?" he asked the stranger.
"I'm driving," said the stranger.
Jarge replied, "That's the quickest way."
An tourist in a small village he was visiting in Newfoundland, approached a local person and asked, "What's the quickest way to St. John's?
Jarge, the local, scratched his head, "Are ya walkin ER drivin?" he asked the stranger.
"I'm driving," said the stranger.
Jarge replied, "That's the quickest way."
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I LOVE MY JOB
If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!
This is even funnier when you realize it's real!
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103 .5 on FM dial in
Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.
Needless to say, she won.
Read his letter below...
~Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.
It's a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.
It heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.
This floods my whole suit with warm water.
It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say, I aborted the dive.I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't ch!t for two days because my ass was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day! !!!!
Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.~
If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!
This is even funnier when you realize it's real!
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103 .5 on FM dial in
Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.
Needless to say, she won.
Read his letter below...
~Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.
It's a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.
It heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.
This floods my whole suit with warm water.
It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say, I aborted the dive.I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't ch!t for two days because my ass was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day! !!!!
Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.~
green-horn
Active VIP Member
green-horn
Active VIP Member
I DIDN'T BELIEVE THESE LAWS AT FIRST, BUT HAVE FOUND THEM
TO BE TRUE FROM ACTUAL EXPERIENCE.
1.Law of Mechanical Repair -After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
6.Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics -The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15.Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.
TO BE TRUE FROM ACTUAL EXPERIENCE.
1.Law of Mechanical Repair -After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
6.Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics -The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15.Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.
green-horn
Active VIP Member
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1.. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
3. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
4. Sing Along At The Opera.
5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend
Their Party Because You have a headache.
6. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,
Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
7. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy,
We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
8. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY,
GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
1.. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
3. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
4. Sing Along At The Opera.
5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend
Their Party Because You have a headache.
6. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,
Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
7. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy,
We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
8. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY,
GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
green-horn
Active VIP Member
THE ONLY WALMART INTERVIEW
YOU NEED TO HEAR!!!!
Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, Shell Knob, Missouri, had the
task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT..' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?' she asked the second man.
'Hmmm....let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant.. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already ch!t my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.
YOU NEED TO HEAR!!!!
Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, Shell Knob, Missouri, had the
task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT..' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?' she asked the second man.
'Hmmm....let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant.. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already ch!t my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.
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