Beef Jerky On A Bike

meatbag

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Beef jerky's pretty good. I like it, my friends like it, animals like it too. I usually carry some when I'm on an extended ride somewhere to hold me over till a meal afterwards. This time out it was mid summer, I was on my dirtbike riding a hilly twisty juicy sandy area with long trails and lots of green growth on the sides. Nice.
As usual, it takes me a long time to warm up, to read the terrain and start flying, start having fun. When I do get going I've usually gotten good stamina and like to go all day. Oh yeah.

I was out with a couple of friends and the trails were perfect. Just set up enough to climb the tough hills and not wash out around the sweepers. It had lots of brush but was not the easiest to see around the next sandy high banked corner. It wasn't busy and hadn't seen anyone else, not even a sign, hint, or smell of the infamous western skulking scruffy hard billed skoal spitting double talking redneck.
I was flying ahead of all my already tired buddies, who obviously have been liking the fast greasy food too much, obviously (heh, heh, heh, makes me look faster).

Okay, you know when your "in the groove"? When you can almost magically see ahead, hit the lines perfect and just rail through the corners applying perfect power covering ground at very fast pace? Now, that was me that day, that moment, I was the king! Things were going great! Bench racing later I would SURELY have ALL the bragging rights, rub it in how pitifully slow they were, how they looked like mere beginners and mortals in the wake of my mighty roost!...
Well, as it happened I hit a nice straightaway, took a fast sharp right turn, up a tight hill and wheelie'd over the crest in 3rd gear just wound out, rear wheel throwing roost and spraying sand! It felt sooo awesome until I saw..."it"... At first it looked like a big black blur(say that 3 times) shifting to the right of the trail. Everything was going in slow motion as I locked both brakes! The big black blur moved off farther to the right side of the trail as fast as it could, my now stalled sliding bike's front tire HIT the ass of the running Big Black BEAR! Yup, my knobby tire hit it's ass! Could've sworn it gave me the evil eye! Really. I had flashes of my poor skinny carcass being dragged away, gnawed upon as a snack, all my shiny gear getting dirty and tossed aside. Ugh, a meatbag beef jerky snack. But, I felt I had so much smartassedness to enlighten the world with yet! Good thing I scared it silly and it kept going seeing as my friends hadn't arrived yet being sooo slow, damn them.

I sat there on my stalled bike in the middle of the nice sandy trail in disbelief with what just happened just trying to breathe. Of course, my friends come flying over the hill, locking their brakes just missing me! Swines. No-one believed me till I showed them the tracks, some still mumbled disbelief under their breath, can you believe it? I felt like I could have easily been a piece of beef jerky snack for a large carnivore.
What a day.
 

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2Quickrides

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Being scared of a black bear is like being scared of a care bear. Lol. Unless you smelled like garbage, then maybe.........
 

meatbag

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Does a bike rider **** his pants in the woods when no one is there?
I think those subjects are covered in the later courses of RedNeck 303, along with brushing your teeth with Skoal, combing your hair or hairs with a pork chop, and double tripling your underwear up works like a depends for those nights you don't want to walk to the can.
 
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