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Required: Sense of humor
- Thread starter albertagal500
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Bnorth
Active VIP Member
the irish never hesitate to come to the aid of their fellow man, air passengers, in this case!
Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening aer lingus flight from dublin to boston,
the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement
in her lovely irish brogue:
"ladies and gentlemen, i'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a
terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this happened,
but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received
only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."
when the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued,
"anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat,
will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10 hour flight.”
her next announcement came about 2 hours later:
"if anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."
Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening aer lingus flight from dublin to boston,
the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement
in her lovely irish brogue:
"ladies and gentlemen, i'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a
terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this happened,
but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received
only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."
when the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued,
"anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat,
will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10 hour flight.”
her next announcement came about 2 hours later:
"if anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."
doorfx
Active VIP Member
Very Short Gun Story
A wild eyed (and butt ugly) old woman walked into a crowded bar in downtown
Washington, D.C. waiving an un-holstered pistol and yelled out;
"I have a .45 caliber Colt 1911, with a seven round magazine, plus one in the chamber.
I want to know who's been sleeping with my husband?"
A female voice from the back of the room called out,
"You Need More Ammo, Mrs. Clinton".
A wild eyed (and butt ugly) old woman walked into a crowded bar in downtown
Washington, D.C. waiving an un-holstered pistol and yelled out;
"I have a .45 caliber Colt 1911, with a seven round magazine, plus one in the chamber.
I want to know who's been sleeping with my husband?"
A female voice from the back of the room called out,
"You Need More Ammo, Mrs. Clinton".
doorfx
Active VIP Member
ITALIAN FUNERAL:
A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.
The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral, is it?"
"My wife's."
''What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
“My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also."
It was a very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood ... Silence passed between the two men.
The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"
The Italian man replied, "Get in line."
I thought everyone would appreciate this one.
A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.
The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral, is it?"
"My wife's."
''What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
“My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also."
It was a very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood ... Silence passed between the two men.
The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"
The Italian man replied, "Get in line."
I thought everyone would appreciate this one.
doorfx
Active VIP Member
WALK NAKED IN NORTH AMERICA DAY April 20 - 2018
Don't forget to mark your calendars.
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other
than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.
So next Saturday at 1 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their
house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses
to demonstrate their support for the women
and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers.
Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.
The government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists
and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
Don't forget to mark your calendars.
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other
than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.
So next Saturday at 1 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their
house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses
to demonstrate their support for the women
and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers.
Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.
The government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists
and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
Robot Bartender Experiment
A guy goes into a bar in Calgary, where there is a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy replies "Whiskey."
The robot brings back his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, “168.” The robot continues to talk about physics, space
exploration, and medical technology.
After the guy leaves, and the more he thinks about it, the more
curious he gets, so he decides to go back.
The robot asks, "What's your drink?"
The guy answers, "Whiskey."
The robot returns with his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies,"100."
The robot talks about the Stampeders, the Flames, the Oilers,
Budweiser, and the Leafs.
The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is so interested in his
“experiment” that he decides to try again.
He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he wants to drink.
The man replies, "Whiskey."
The robot brings the drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man answers, "25."
The robot leans in real close and asks, "So . . . are you people . . .
still happy . . . with Trudeau
A guy goes into a bar in Calgary, where there is a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy replies "Whiskey."
The robot brings back his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, “168.” The robot continues to talk about physics, space
exploration, and medical technology.
After the guy leaves, and the more he thinks about it, the more
curious he gets, so he decides to go back.
The robot asks, "What's your drink?"
The guy answers, "Whiskey."
The robot returns with his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies,"100."
The robot talks about the Stampeders, the Flames, the Oilers,
Budweiser, and the Leafs.
The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is so interested in his
“experiment” that he decides to try again.
He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he wants to drink.
The man replies, "Whiskey."
The robot brings the drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man answers, "25."
The robot leans in real close and asks, "So . . . are you people . . .
still happy . . . with Trudeau
Meet Walter Pax
All elderly should live so long as to become this kind of old man!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one man, Walter Pax
"Mr. Pax, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr. Pax, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mr. Pax, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply;
"I outlived all them assholes."
Then he calmly returned to his seat.
All elderly should live so long as to become this kind of old man!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one man, Walter Pax
"Mr. Pax, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr. Pax, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mr. Pax, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply;
"I outlived all them assholes."
Then he calmly returned to his seat.
BLIND MAN
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, with a warning from the Mother Superior not to get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked.
In the middle of the project, there's a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.
"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door.
"Nice boobs," says the man,
"Where do you want the blinds?"
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, with a warning from the Mother Superior not to get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked.
In the middle of the project, there's a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.
"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door.
"Nice boobs," says the man,
"Where do you want the blinds?"
A POST-SURGERY QUESTION
You'll be fine," the doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery.
But, she asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye
The girl was alarmed.
"What's the matter doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no-one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
You'll be fine," the doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery.
But, she asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye
The girl was alarmed.
"What's the matter doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no-one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
Kim Jong Un
After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if Kim Jong Un is still
alive," Kim Jong Un himself decided to send Donald Trump a letter in
his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
The Donald opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line
of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H.
The Donald was baffled, so he e-mailed it to the Foreign Secretary and
his aides who had no clue either,
so they sent it to the FBI. None could solve it at the FBI,
so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps
Intelligence for help.
Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply,
"Tell The President, he's holding the message upside down."
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Joke of the day: Splinters in your crotch A woman from Vancouver - who was a tree hugging NDP’er, an anti-hunter, anti-pipeline environmentalist -purchased a piece of timberland near Squamish, BC . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top a spotted owl attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got splinters in her crotch.
In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor.
She told him she was an environmentalist, an NDP’er and an anti-industry person and how she came to get all the splinters.
The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then asked her to wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared.
The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and told her, "Well, I had to get permits from Environment Canada, the Parks Service and the BC Department of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a ‘recreational area’ so close to a Waste Treatment Facility.
And I'm sorry, but due to the Provincial Medical cut backs they turned you down.
You may wish to try Dr. Suzuki.
In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor.
She told him she was an environmentalist, an NDP’er and an anti-industry person and how she came to get all the splinters.
The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then asked her to wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared.
The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and told her, "Well, I had to get permits from Environment Canada, the Parks Service and the BC Department of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a ‘recreational area’ so close to a Waste Treatment Facility.
And I'm sorry, but due to the Provincial Medical cut backs they turned you down.
You may wish to try Dr. Suzuki.
I decided to go to the local Pow-Wow at the Beaver Lake Reserve for the first time to see what it was all about.
I sat down and the Chief came up to me, laid his hands on my hand and said:
"By the will of the Elders and the Great Creator, you will walk today."
I told him I wasn't paralyzed, but I did have a small bunion on my left foot.
He came back and laid his hands on me again and, looking skywards, he earnestly repeated his mantra:
"By the will of the Elders and the Great Creator, you will walk today."
Once again, I told him there really was nothing wrong with me.
After prayers I stepped outside.
And sure as hell, my truck was gone !!!
After filing their personal tax returns by April 30th, many Canadians will again receive a tax refund.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it in a Q & A format:
Q. What is a tax refund payment?
A. It's money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q.. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your tax refund wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka ...
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in Canada by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to hockey games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos
(These are the only "truly" Canadian businesses still operating)
Conclusion:
Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I'm just glad to be of help.
Six year old Annie returns home from school and says that today she had her first family planning lesson at school.
Her mother, very interested, asks: "Oh... How did it go"
"I nearly died of shame!" she answers. "Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage. Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."
Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."
"No... but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!
Her mother, very interested, asks: "Oh... How did it go"
"I nearly died of shame!" she answers. "Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage. Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."
Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."
"No... but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!
Happy Hour in Newfoundland!!!
A Newfoundlander is driving
down a road in St. Johns
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
'Lord jaysus' he says to himself,
'me 3 favourite tings!'
A Very Brief Gun Story
A wild eyed (and butt ugly) old woman walked into a crowded bar in downtown Washington, DC waiving an un-holstered pistol and yelled out "I have a .45 caliber Colt 1911, with a seven round magazine, plus one in the chamber. I want to know who's been sleeping with my husband?"
A female voice from the back of the room called out.
"You Need More Ammo, Hillary!"
A wild eyed (and butt ugly) old woman walked into a crowded bar in downtown Washington, DC waiving an un-holstered pistol and yelled out "I have a .45 caliber Colt 1911, with a seven round magazine, plus one in the chamber. I want to know who's been sleeping with my husband?"
A female voice from the back of the room called out.
"You Need More Ammo, Hillary!"
Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £3.00 each, Trousers £4.50 per pair".
Paddy said to his pal "Mick look at these prices!
We could buy a whole lot of those.
When we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune.?
Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay?
Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might
think
we're thickos from Ireland and try to screw us.
I'll put on me best English accent."
"Roight y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mout shut, so I will.
You do all da business" said Mick
They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man.
I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £4.50
each.
As well I'll take 100 shirts at £3.00 each.
And oy'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will."
_THE OWNER OF THE SHOP SAID QUIETLY "YOU'RE FROM IRELAND, AREN'T
YOU?"_
"Well ? yes" said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?"_
The owner replied "This is a dry-cleaners
Paddy said to his pal "Mick look at these prices!
We could buy a whole lot of those.
When we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune.?
Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay?
Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might
think
we're thickos from Ireland and try to screw us.
I'll put on me best English accent."
"Roight y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mout shut, so I will.
You do all da business" said Mick
They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man.
I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £4.50
each.
As well I'll take 100 shirts at £3.00 each.
And oy'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will."
_THE OWNER OF THE SHOP SAID QUIETLY "YOU'RE FROM IRELAND, AREN'T
YOU?"_
"Well ? yes" said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?"_
The owner replied "This is a dry-cleaners
Aussie Bee Sting Problem!!!!
Australian Telephone Operator :
" G'day mate. Helpline here.
What's the problem?"
Caller:
"I'm in the Outback with the girlfriend
and she's been stung high on her thigh
by a hornet and now her vagina
has completely closed up!"
Australian Telephone Operator :
"Bummer!"
Caller:
"Will do. Great advice! Thanks mate."
Australian Telephone Operator :
" G'day mate. Helpline here.
What's the problem?"
Caller:
"I'm in the Outback with the girlfriend
and she's been stung high on her thigh
by a hornet and now her vagina
has completely closed up!"
Australian Telephone Operator :
"Bummer!"
Caller:
"Will do. Great advice! Thanks mate."
doorfx
Active VIP Member
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find two grim-faced Constables.
"We're sorry, Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick Flynn asked.
The constables looked at each other and one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."
The constable said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The constable continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960s, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?"
The constable replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow.
"We're sorry, Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick Flynn asked.
The constables looked at each other and one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."
The constable said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The constable continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960s, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?"
The constable replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow.
A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?"
No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m." He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay." She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbours a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth."
"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."
The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"
She says, "Then I'm fifteen minutes late."
No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m." He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay." She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbours a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth."
"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."
The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"
She says, "Then I'm fifteen minutes late."
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