A little golf anyone?

[catmando]

GOLF: AND WHAT IT ALL MEANS



Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured
by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing
left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins.
And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks

Golf is harder than baseball.
In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain,
the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable
tip: your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before
taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

The term 'mulligan' is really a contraction of the
phrase 'maul it again.'

A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement
between two golfers ..neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how
badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out
and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss
every green. The next day you go out and for no
reason at all you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the
'gimme putt', you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously
it won't work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil – WITH NO ERASURE


David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons
Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....

#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7... Foursomes are encouraged.
#6... You can still make money doing it as a senior..
#5... Three times a day is possible.
#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....
#1... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

 

[ttpowersports]

several reasons why i refuse to golf anymore....

facts-

golfed 5 times,
twice someone else go hurt,:no (golf ball to the head) ( flying club)
i may or may not have been responsible,
i refuse to answer that on the grounds it may incriminate me later...:d:d.

twice rented clubs and car (had to get the big 4 seater) ( a guy thing cause it was the biggest) never left the club house (nice name for a bar) lost golf cart, due to dis oreintation of poorly laid out floor plan - to parking lot corrilation...
found cart and clubs next morning, after brief search, then i remembered i never picked them up , just paid,

the last time we actually made it on the course with clubs and cart, got winded walking back and forth, luckily the first aid emergency response vehicle- aka liquor cart, came by just intime :d:dto save me from sweating to death and from gibbsons with drawls, payed the nice attended generously to follow us around the course (9) it was 18 holes we got 25 % only made it to 6 holes, had to get a relief driver to get the cart back to the club house for more 1st aid,

that golf is hard on your liver..... and the motors are way to small..... and there not very loud.,.. ever try to high mark on a sand hill....now i know why they call it a trap... it seemed like a good idea at the time.... thats what iheard happened.... uhh to another group ya,,, and yes you can wheelie a golf cart....or so ive heard... sledding and quading are way safer and less energy wasting..... golfing is kinda sadistic you keep beating and beating the same ball over and over, just a thought,, what about on long straight course and bigger clubs, less travel, one hit , i dont know ,,,,guess thats why i dont golf.....:d:


T.

 

[dlj]

Buttercups & Golf Balls


Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back into play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden . .. .POOF!!


In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!

Then POOF! . . . she was gone!

After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, 'Fred, where are you?'

Fred yells back 'I'm over here in the pussy willows.'

Dave shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, Fred; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!!!'