What do I do?? School fight

[BC Sno-Ghost]

As a father of two teenage boys I completely agree with the advice of "talk to your daughter first and see what she feels you should do". If she says nothing, than as hard as it may be you do nothing or you are going to have her so pi$$ed off at you if you step in. On the other hand, I strongly feel that someone at the school needs to know about this, but it's kept quiet. If you know a teacher at the school whom your daughter really likes I would, without your daughter knowing, inform the teacher of the situation. Down the road there could be another confrontation between your daughter and the other girl. This time your daughter may not be so polite and kick the other girl's A$$ if she loses it. Then your daughter will be in trouble, possibly even with the law. Someone needs to be aware of the potential for and the reason for future conflicts and that your daughter was not the agressor here initially.

 

[ttpowersports]

As a father of two teenage boys I completely agree with the advice of "talk to your daughter first and see what she feels you should do". If she says nothing, than as hard as it may be you do nothing or you are going to have her so pi$$ed off at you if you step in. On the other hand, I strongly feel that someone at the school needs to know about this, but it's kept quiet. If you know a teacher at the school whom your daughter really likes I would, without your daughter knowing, inform the teacher of the situation. Down the road there could be another confrontation between your daughter and the other girl. This time your daughter may not be so polite and kick the other girl's A$$ if she loses it. Then your daughter will be in trouble, possibly even with the law. Someone needs to be aware of the potential for and the reason for future conflicts and that your daughter was not the agressor here initially.

sad but true, the amount of frivilous lawsuits out there today are ridiculous...
good advice

 

[Powertool29]

Your daughter is 15 years old, in most cases she is considered an adult. If your daughter did nothing wrong why is she getting suspended ??
why deprive her of her education because of someone else's stupidy..

If the school principals are not willing to get involved ( and a 5 day suspension is not the best solution) then I would persue the issue with the police as hitting someone is assault. (as long as your daughter did not hit her back ) violence is not the right approach.

 

[sledderdoc]

Well in todays cell phone age I have seen the video. Ally took the first punch and responded by pulling out the girls hair extentions, kneeing her in the chest and pulling her down!! Fight over. I think thats all I want. Don't start the fight but finish it ........................ however!!!
These girls didn't want to fight in the first place!! The other girl doesn't care for my daughter but didn't want to fight her. But they were surrounded by a group of (mostly natives) that said if they didn't fight they would kick the crap out of both of them!! So far about ten of those people have been suspended!
That stuff scares me the most!!

Thanks to all for the great advice thats just what an angry father needs to hear in order to cool down and think about things rationally.

 

[sledderdoc]

Should also mention that while the two girls were sitting in the office waiting to get suspended the other girl appologized for hitting my daughter.

Its a start.

 

[TylerG]

Well in todays cell phone age I have seen the video. Ally took the first punch and responded by pulling out the girls hair extentions, kneeing her in the chest and pulling her down!! Fight over. I think thats all I want. Don't start the fight but finish it ........................ however!!!
These girls didn't want to fight in the first place!! The other girl doesn't care for my daughter but didn't want to fight her. But they were surrounded by a group of (mostly natives) that said if they didn't fight they would kick the crap out of both of them!! So far about ten of those people have been suspended!
That stuff scares me the most!!

Thanks to all for the great advice thats just what an angry father needs to hear in order to cool down and think about things rationally.

Happens lots out there Doc.... My littlest sister got off the school bus one day walked around the corner and got totally sucker punched by some young girl who had big metal rings on. Broke my sisters glasses, gave her a good black eye, and made her sore for some days. I believe my parents went to the cops with this one, but not 100% sure.

Want a real adventure go on youtube and type "Stony Plain Fights" you'll find lots of "cat fights" etc.

Good luck Doc

 

[dooryder]

id post but i dont want my mom to see what i have to say

 

[BIGFOOT]

So my 15 yr. old daughter was involved in an altercation at school today. Going to the store got confronted by another student who doesn't like her much. Other students of course quickey gathered around egging them on. My daughter was very frightened the other girl eventually punched her in the face and that was that. My daughter got a 2 day suspension and the other girl 5. I know the other girl from last year and sat beside her mom at basketball games (the two were actually teammates last year until her mom transfered her to another school).

As a parent I want to call her Mom and let her have it!! On the other hand does it make it worse once they're back at school???

Need some advice on whether to leave it or do something!!

My Lady & I have had the pleasure of raising 2 children...Now 27+ & 24 +...IMO, We as parents it is very important to be there for our children... But in this case as mentioned sledderdoc this is a building stone for the children 2 personelize them selves in the core group they develop with. U teach children good morals & prep them for the onward life they are growing into.... Sometimes all the prep work still doesnot win the battle... Remember, U have taught well & I am sure it was received well. Unless it is a CRIMINAL matter I am sure they will beable to make decisions & work things out... We as parents Can have sometimes just alittle to much input into out childrens direction. Myself of course would be Very concerned & monitor things with wide eyes, open ears & big shoulders !..... Just one parents opinion.

 

[dooryder]

Well in todays cell phone age I have seen the video. Ally took the first punch and responded by pulling out the girls hair extentions, kneeing her in the chest and pulling her down!! Fight over. I think thats all I want. Don't start the fight but finish it ........................ however!!!
These girls didn't want to fight in the first place!! The other girl doesn't care for my daughter but didn't want to fight her. But they were surrounded by a group of (mostly natives) that said if they didn't fight they would kick the crap out of both of them!! So far about ten of those people have been suspended!
That stuff scares me the most!!

Thanks to all for the great advice thats just what an angry father needs to hear in order to cool down and think about things rationally.

the reason why they all got suspended is cause of assotion, no studnet has the right to assotion (sp?) as soon as they enter school premisses, trust me i have read studnt rights MANY times

 

[BIGFOOT]

Teach her how to fight so she can hang a good lickin on the other girl not much difference between a 2 day and 5 days suspension my-as-well go for the 5 day holiday.....then maybe the harassing will stop knowing she can get her A$& kicked

What kind of horse dropping is that???

 

[ZRrrr]

Seems there is a larger issue here and the school needs to address it before someone gets seriously hurt.....or dead. Suspending all these kids wil do nothin gbut make them laugh. Parents need to be brought together to hear all the sides of the story and make a plan on how it will be dealt with. It's a good way to sort out the problem parents too. Usually the apple does not fall too far from the tree.

Back in my day you did fight and threw the second punch, not the first. Usually the fight was over when one of them called it off or one hit the ground. Now they have so much anger you don't know when it will stop. That's the scary part and the reason why EVERYONE as a community needs to be involved. Being suspended just gives them free time to make up evil plans.

How about a weekend of hard labour together.

 

[BIGFOOT]

wow....... that is a tough one . 1st you need to find out EXACTLY what happened between the 2 of them.

U bet !

 

[Summitric]

As the parent of a 15yo boy and a 17yo daughter that just graduated, we've had our excitement and situations over the past few years.......... As the counselors and police said in one incident that occured, it would be best for the parents to stay out of the situation, unless the child's safety was a concern, in the future. You said the girls didn't actually want to fight, but the peer pressure caused the disruption.
Self defense classes are always a plus, especially for girls, but should only be used as that, "self defense".
Retaliation is always a key word, and sometimes a single fight spills over into friends, so if one base block tumbles, the whole tower could tumble. In otherwords, if these friends gather on either side, and word was out that "daddy" interfeared with his "baby girl", then there could be a serious lop sided occurance.
I would personally keep close contact with your daughter and if she ever felt "threatened" again, then seriously get into the middle of the problem.
Just my 2 cents

 

[Ryano]

Sounds like your daughter did the right thing and stood up for her self good for her. This happened to my son a few years a go and I encourged him to stand up for him self the school new about the other kid as he had been suspended a number of times for the same thing (fighting and bullying) my son is not an agressive person by nature but after a few months of torture by this kid he finally had enough and the fight was on after that the other kid decided that it was not worth it to pick on my son

 

[ZRrrr]

Really surprised by some of the answers here. What ever happened to the parents being involved no matter the age, no matter the situation!? Your kids may tell you to stay out but in reality they are still children and need their parents. I believe a couple of my psychology books reiterate the fact that teens still need parental involvement and may even thank you after the fact. Parents need to talk with the parents and it may require a mediator, from the school or otherwise. Will your daughter really feel safe and secure dealing with this all on her own?

We live in a society where kids are expected to grow up too fast and parents shun responsibility to their children. I remember a time where parents respected teachers and dealt with their kids behaviours. If you fought, stole or caused trouble, your parents would deal with you. Often an unpleasant experience.

But what do I know......have a ways to go to the teen years.

Just some thoughts I'm puting out there.

 

[HONDA310R]

Ok if you really want to teach that girl a lesson and the family all you have to do is speak with the school constable. This should lead to a assault charge on the other teen. It will go no where as this is a 1st offence(i think) but it should but a scare in her and be a pain for the family.(i know this from experience lol as im only 23 i was in h/s not long ago) You guys may think this is harsh but this will teach the other girl that fighting is not socialy acceptable.

 

[Ryano]

Really surprised by some of the answers here. What ever happened to the parents being involved no matter the age, no matter the situation!? Your kids may tell you to stay out but in reality they are still children and need their parents. I believe a couple of my psychology books reiterate the fact that teens still need parental involvement and may even thank you after the fact. Parents need to talk with the parents and it may require a mediator, from the school or otherwise. Will your daughter really feel safe and secure dealing with this all on her own?

We live in a society where kids are expected to grow up too fast and parents shun responsibility to their children. I remember a time where parents respected teachers and dealt with their kids behaviours. If you fought, stole or caused trouble, your parents would deal with you. Often an unpleasant experience.

But what do I know......have a ways to go to the teen years.

Just some thoughts I'm puting out there.

I Tried this when it was my son I talked to the parents they were a foster family and had been trying to deal with it with no luck I talked to the teacher the vice princple and the princple and was told they were doing all they could that maybe my son should try harder to avoid the bully what was I supposed to pull him out of school because of this little bastard I don't think so I did what I could I taught him what to do and when he had had enough he stood up for himself thankfully he is a lot nicer than I am so the other kid only ended up with a black eye and bruised ego. I went in and talked to the principle again and he was satified that my son did what he had to do to protect himself as the school can only be in so many places at one time and they can't always stop these young hooligans

 

[BC Sno-Ghost]

Really surprised by some of the answers here. What ever happened to the parents being involved no matter the age, no matter the situation!? Your kids may tell you to stay out but in reality they are still children and need their parents. I believe a couple of my psychology books reiterate the fact that teens still need parental involvement and may even thank you after the fact. Parents need to talk with the parents and it may require a mediator, from the school or otherwise. Will your daughter really feel safe and secure dealing with this all on her own?

We live in a society where kids are expected to grow up too fast and parents shun responsibility to their children. I remember a time where parents respected teachers and dealt with their kids behaviours. If you fought, stole or caused trouble, your parents would deal with you. Often an unpleasant experience.

But what do I know......have a ways to go to the teen years.

Just some thoughts I'm puting out there.

Step #1 to being a successful parent of a teen, take the psychology books and burn them. They bunch all humans together in one mindless category where everyone I know has their own personality and characteristics. I sat through 2 years of College Psychology classes and the courses and books are simply written and designed for people who are incapable of thinking for themselves...plain and simple. The term "Parental Involvement" can mean so many different things. In this case there is "Parental Involvement". The parent is well aware of the situation and plans on assisting his daughter in ways that that create the most amiable resolution for his Daughter. Parents sometimes react in ways that cause more harm than good, like going to the Police or confronting the other girl or her parents. The term applied years ago and it still applies today..."nobody likes a Tattle-Tail". Go ahead and resolve all your kid's problems for them as they grow and you create an adult incapable of ever effectively dealing with day to day problems. There's a time to monitor the situation and there may be, or there may not be, a time to get directly involved.

 

[ZRrrr]

I Tried this when it was my son I talked to the parents they were a foster family and had been trying to deal with it with no luck I talked to the teacher the vice princple and the princple and was told they were doing all they could that maybe my son should try harder to avoid the bully what was I supposed to pull him out of school because of this little bastard I don't think so I did what I could I taught him what to do and when he had had enough he stood up for himself thankfully he is a lot nicer than I am so the other kid only ended up with a black eye and bruised ego. I went in and talked to the principle again and he was satified that my son did what he had to do to protect himself as the school can only be in so many places at one time and they can't always stop these young hooligans

Good for you for taking it as far as you could. At least you tried.

 

[ZRrrr]

Step #1 to being a successful parent of a teen, take the psychology books and burn them. They bunch all humans together in one mindless category where everyone I know has their own personality and characteristics. I sat through 2 years of College Psychology classes and the courses and books are simply written and designed for people who are incapable of thinking for themselves...plain and simple. The term "Parental Involvement" can mean so many different things. In this case there is "Parental Involvement". The parent is well aware of the situation and plans on assisting his daughter in ways that that create the most amiable resolution for his Daughter. Parents sometimes react in ways that cause more harm than good, like going to the Police or confronting the other girl or her parents. The term applied years ago and it still applies today..."nobody likes a Tattle-Tail". Go ahead and resolve all your kid's problems for them as they grow and you create an adult incapable of ever effectively dealing with day to day problems. There's a time to monitor the situation and there may be, or there may not be, a time to get directly involved.

I agree that books are just books and not always applicable in every situation. This is the dialogue I was looking for. Almost every social development expert will tell you that teens need parent involvment even when they "say" they don't need or want it. Everyone needs the skills to build their confidence and self esteem. I do not condone "solving" the problem for the child, but working with the teen to show them there are options for dealing with the situation. Kids are so afraid of their peers they will live in a constant state of fear and avoidance. That is no way to live. What good does that do?? They end up making hit lists and walking into schools with guns a blazing. They need to be taught the skills for conflict resolution and that can takes parents, educators and community members. Simply trying to avoid a situation is not productive for anyone. Having these girls and parents at least talk to one another is a good step. Much of the issue can be identified just by talking it out. A skill that seems to be missing in todays society. Often what one sees is not in fact what is actually the case (as sledders we are all too familiar with this). These two girls and thier parents should talk it out and the girls can end up stronger together than going their seperate ways. They obviously both do not like the situation and pressure from the other peers. If they band together they likely won't have to deal with as much of the pressure from the others.

Good topic. I like thei dialogue of this sort of stuff, and I like to read what others think and feel. I'm not an expert and do learn from everyones input as well.