Haha. On a more serious note. Have you tried sliding a screw driver or a right angle pick in between the hose and the fitting to break the seal between the two? Could also try twisting while putting something in between the two. Another one that work on smaller hoses is using a set of linesman pliers to pinch the hose on the fitting. Put the pliers perpendicular to the hose/fitting and grab as much of the rubber as you can and try to get the hose to break free of the fitting.
That's all the ideas I have for ya. Either way your gonna loose some skin in the process. They are a biotch.
To drain the anti freeze... Grab one of these from princess auto or something similar
then undo the single crew holding the overflow bottle and removing it from its mount
then you can jam the suction hose down the bottle till it bottoms out in the thermostat housing.
once done cleaning everything out of there break the bypass hose clamp, which leads down to the lower hose at the water pump. Stick the suction hose into the bypass hose until it bottoms out.
doing this will result in zero mess and you can reuse your anti freeze if you wish.