Happy HALLOWEEN!!!!!

[TomKat72]

Happy HALLOWEEN!!!!! (humor)

Bed sheets

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a
series of tests, the last of which had left his
bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the
bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another
and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with
diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to
remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of
bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out
the hospital window.

A drunk was walking
by the hospital when the
sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing,
and swinging his arms violently trying to get the
unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled
sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet,
staring down at the sheets, a hospital security
guard, (barely containing his (laughter), and who
had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked,
'What the heck is going on here?'

The drunk, still staring down replied: 'I think I
just beat the sh*t out of a ghost.'

Happy Halloween All at Snow and Mud!!!!

 

[TomKat72]

The Cab Driver And the Nun

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds,

"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and a I'm a Baptist."

The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

 

[TomKat72]

Costume Party

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She
got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she
argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to
bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by
not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened
without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to
the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her
costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching
her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting
around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he
could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife moved on up to him and being a rather seductive
babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted
his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was
her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her
ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars
and had a little romp.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went
home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering
what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what
kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You
know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other
guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had
a real good time!"

 

[TomKat72]

A six year old kid named Bobby has a speech impediment, where he starts his words with the letter B. He is getting ready to go out on his first Halloween.

MOM: What do you want to be for Halloween this year Bobby?
BOBBY: Bi Banna Be a Birate?
MOM: A pirate, thats cute, I’ll get you the costume.
So she gets him the costume and he rings the door bell of an old lady.
BOBBY: Bick or Beat!!!
OLD LADY: Whats that you say?
BOBBY: Bick or Beat!!!
OLD LADY: Oh, trick or treat, isnt that cute, well what are you supposed to be little boy?
BOBBY: Bim a Birate!
OLD LADY: ?????? oh I get it your a Pirate.
The old lady goes to hand him some candy but decides she wants to be funny and mess with the kid a little bit.
OLD LADY: If your a Pirate then where are all your buccaneers? Arent pirates supposed to have buccaneers?
BOBBY: (Really Mad and grabbing his Ears) Look lady here are my buckin ears now give me some buckin candy!!!

 

[TomKat72]

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our

divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern Tennessee because of bad weather. Thank God our kids were with me at the Beach House this weekend.

The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error:

Judy was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument

flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a

VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to

insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

The photograph below was taken at the scene and shows

the extent of damage to her aircraft.

She was very lucky.