Teenage Daughter Problem

[eclipse1966]

I have lived in Europe for several years. The Dutch society is one of the most open societies you will find on the continent. I support a lot of their ideologies but some are a bit too extreme even for me and even other EU countries.

ok, finally finished the whole article. Like how it ended.

Her book is as much about intimacy as it is about sex, Schalet says, citing that Dutch surveys find that by age 14, 90 per cent of Dutch boys say they have been in love. “Clearly it’s not the kind of love a 25-year-old feels,” she says. “But that is how they describe their feelings.” Even in the U.S., many boys say they don’t want to have sex until they’re in a relationship, she says. “But they feel that makes them different than what boys are supposed to feel. So they feel isolated.” Isolation is a theme surrounding teen sex and relationships, Schalet observes. “And that’s very sad.”
She’d like to see the end of the myths that girls are only supposed to love and are never given any legitimacy for their sexual desires and that boys are vessels for biological impulses and aren’t credited with any emotional desires. Dutch teens said they enjoyed togetherness as much as sex, she notes.
Rayne doesn’t believe the divide between parents and children is as big as it appears. “Parents all say that they want their children to have a healthy sex life, to be sexually balanced—not now, but in the future,” she says. “But it’s not like children get this magical knowledge at age 18.”
Adolescents, like all human beings, have “skin hunger,” the need to be touched and to touch, Rayne says. “But many teenagers have only one model for this: intercourse. So having conversations about sensuality rather than sex can go a long way.” And parents want to forge close bonds with their teenagers, and to have influence over them, she believes. “But they do all of these controlling things that put them at odds with their teenager rather than drawing them in closer.”
That’s what motivated Redgrave seven years ago. Allowing her daughter’s boyfriend to sleep over wasn’t simply about condoning sex, she says, it was about helping her to make an important transition to adulthood. “It’s about respecting intimacy, developing it at an early age and learning to appreciate it.” And that requires communication, as Schalet observes, which begins with starting a conversation many parents don’t want to have.

 

[blainemx]

This doesnt seem right. I understand the issue with saying no and she starts slipping out of the house. sit down with the boy and try to reason with him. worst case scenario load up the vehicle and make it a family excursion with the family. there is nothing wrong with some give and take and your daughter should understand this

 

[Cyle]

As long as they are responsible enough to have sex safely I don't see the problem with it, obviously there has to be a certain age but nothing that says it has to be 18 or anything. But it comes with a lot of responsibility especially making sure they don't become parents early. No matter how careful you are, everyone has had a scare and it makes a big difference in how it's handled.

 

[MOMMA]

As long as they are responsible enough to have sex safely I don't see the problem with it, obviously there has to be a certain age but nothing that says it has to be 18 or anything. But it comes with a lot of responsibility especially making sure they don't become parents early. No matter how careful you are, everyone has had a scare and it makes a big difference in how it's handled.

I may be kind of overprotective regarding this situation, but I don't want even the "option" of having sex as a teen out there on the table for my kids. There are many consequences for having sex. Protected, or Unprotected sex. OOoopsies happen, then 9 months later, would a teen be mature enough to take care of a baby? Sexually transmitted diseases, amongst other things are a possibility. I want my kids being kids. I would love for them to be children, then teens. Adult hood is no walk in the park. I would love for them to look back on their childhood with happiness. We've had many in depth "talks" regarding sexuality. Playing it by ear, but I know one thing for certain, I am absolutely Winging it when it comes to raising teens.

We had a funny turn of events at our place. My kids are visiting their dad. My husband and I are going out on bikes. Jimmy, my daughter's boyfriend is coming out to the house with his friends so they can come ride with us! lol.

 

[SledMamma]

As long as they are responsible enough to have sex safely I don't see the problem with it, obviously there has to be a certain age but nothing that says it has to be 18 or anything. But it comes with a lot of responsibility especially making sure they don't become parents early. No matter how careful you are, everyone has had a scare and it makes a big difference in how it's handled.

Yeah... You don't have kids and you arent that far from being a teen yourself. It's a very different perspective from the Mamma Bear's side of the fence. And yes... It IS a BIG deal!! It's not just sex and babies and STD's... It's self -worth, esteem, value, integrity. And the catch 22 is that these kids THINK they are ready and responsible. They dont know what they don't know. And it's our job to usher them safely... A perilous and frustrating and rather blind job of parenting. I'm sorry, but your comment just shows how little you understand the precarious nature of these decisions...

 

[sumsupport]

Yeah... You don't have kids and you arent that far from being a teen yourself. It's a very different perspective from the Mamma Bear's side of the fence. And yes... It IS a BIG deal!! It's not just sex and babies and STD's... It's self -worth, esteem, value, integrity. And the catch 22 is that these kids THINK they are ready and responsible. They dont know what they don't know. And it's our job to usher them safely... A perilous and frustrating and rather blind job of parenting. I'm sorry, but your comment just shows how little you understand the precarious nature of these decisions...

x2 SledMamma. There is so much more to than the physical act. One of the things they don't know is that the current relationship IS going to end at some point. That pain is even more crushing when they've decided this partner is The One.

 

[Cyle]

While I agree with all of your points, if a teenager thinks they are ready, it's going to happen regardless of what you tell them. The best you can do is educate them on it and hopefully it will work out because only they control it. It's a lot better then having your head in the sand and your child becoming a parent far to early because they didn't know any better. You have to make sure they know about safe sex, feelings can heal, a child lasts forever. Yes at 16 it's tougher for them then say 18 or 19, but everyone matures at different times. How many teenage boys do you think would turn down sex for the first time if they didn't have protection? My guess would be almost none. Yes a ton of feelings come with sex and everyone will be ready at different times.

I know how protective moms are (I got it when mine found out i'm dating someone 12 years older) and i'm well into my 20's. But it doesn't change anything.

As I said, it comes with a ton of responability and if your ready to have sex you have to be ready to accept any consequences that come from it, it's part of educating them and maybe for some scaring them into waiting.

 

[Cyle]

x2 SledMamma. There is so much more to than the physical act. One of the things they don't know is that the current relationship IS going to end at some point. That pain is even more crushing when they've decided this partner is The One.

It's very likely it will end, but no gaurantee. Know a few who's first in high school they ended up marrying and now have kids together.

 

[MOMMA]

I have another "luck" factor on my side too. Brook decided to stay homeschooling, while the other 3 went into public school. She sees Jimmy on the weekends, which usually end up with us doing super fun activities that they all want to participate in. It's way more fun coming out for a dirt bike ride to hang out at this super cool Treehouse up the mountain than to hang out in town, go to a movie etc... I'd like Brookie to finish off her last 2 years of school at a High School, so she may choose to do so. I anticipate changes to spark from that, but she's a wonderful kid, who is strong, and smart. Cyle part of what you are saying is a reflection of the times, not saying its wrong or right, it simply is "what is". From the moment I became pregnant almost 17 years ago my life changed and took on a deeper meanting. My choices weren't the norm. I fought against the ridicule of my in laws about breastfeeding. They thought it was absurd. I made all my own baby food, they thought it was a waste of time. When I chose to homeschool, so many critics beaking off about "social interaction" tried to sway me. There is something programmed within each parent, something intuitive, that guides them even when it's hard to see clearly. Having the affirmation of other parents who can empathize makes a huge difference. Our kids weren't meant to be mommies and daddies as teens. Brook and I watched a show about Teen moms on MTV the other day.. She asked me to watch it with her... She even gave me the old.. See that is why I DON'T have sex... nuff said.. (she even said). lol.
Kids need to have a clear perspective about the reality of dating. Brook knows she will most likely not Marry Jimmy, but those two have fun together sledding, dirt biking, horseback riding.. so she knows that a friendship can last a lifetime and she's good with that.

 

[SledMamma]

It's very likely it will end, but no gaurantee. Know a few who's first in high school they ended up marrying and now have kids together.

I do agree with some of what you say- that to some degree when they decide they are ready they will do what they will do and all we can do is pray they are responsible about it and not too broken...

And yes, if I was your mom I would be worried about this older woman with kids. There are some big red warning flags there.

As for the "first" being their "last"... I sure hope not! I pray they will have rich and lasting learning experiences before they settle down and have kids. Even if that means a little heartbreak here and there.

 

[Adrenaline Addiction]

Although 3 yrs difference isnt a big deal, 16 pursuing 13 is IMO. I would tell him to beat it, the not so nice, cornered in the garage kind of way. I'd probably go knock on the parents door and tell them it is inappropriate that their son is sniffing around your 13 yr old daughter. I'd also tell him anything he does to her you are going to do to him....

 

[Cyle]

I do agree with some of what you say- that to some degree when they decide they are ready they will do what they will do and all we can do is pray they are responsible about it and not too broken...

And yes, if I was your mom I would be worried about this older woman with kids. There are some big red warning flags there.

As for the "first" being their "last"... I sure hope not! I pray they will have rich and lasting learning experiences before they settle down and have kids. Even if that means a little heartbreak here and there.

Ya I know why she's worried and why it's weird for some people but it's a really unique situation. She still thinks were just friends, I don't want that really long talk/nagging if she knew we were dating, although she knows were having sex so I guess she probably knows. We've lived next door to each other for the last year and hung out quite a bit just as neighbors and got to know each other quite well before we even went on a date.

A few years ago I never though i'd even consider dating someone with kids, let alone 4, but your prospective changes. Even when I moved in my exact words were "Shes hot but has 4 kids I wouldn't think of it". And i'm not someone with their head in the sand, I have no problem spending time with the entire family not just her because I know it's a package deal. Trust me it's not easy it's the hardest relationship i've ever been in by far, but nothing good comes easy.

Well what about people who wait until marriage? I'm sure there's still those around!

 

[zeebs]

my daughter is single.........heeheehee........ Jus' sayin'

she's always lookin' for a good boyfriend........ Gotta be summitric approved though

Supposedly im pre approved by most any credit card company. So i imagine the same applies here? Lol

Sent while not working too hard

 

[Med1ogre]

The Brutal Spanking - YouTube

 

[d mills]

The Brutal Spanking - YouTube

Haha.......serves him right

 

[Barry Barton]

So here's the problem!!Karma is paying me back big time!!!I have a 13 year old (14 in August) going into grade 9 this fall who getting pursued by a neighbor kid who is 16!!He wants to take her to the waterpark(West Ed),just the 2 of them!He's only been driving for a couple of months and I'm a good hour out of the city!!I'm thinking no fuggin' way!!For one she is only 13,she is a good kid and has never gave us any problems but I think this horny little bastard is up to something!!Oh and did I mention my kid is already pushing 5'6, with the big boobs, long hair,a dancer for 10 years and is nice to everyone and everyone tells me how good looking she is!!!Now you see karma is an angry beeotch and getting me back for my teenage years!!!Is it just me or is there something wrong with 16/17 year old guy going into grade 11 chasing a 13 year old!!!He also lives in this religious community next to us that treats us like crap because our kids don't go to their school and we don't do the church thing!!!Funny thing is we got all kinds of grief from these people when we living together and didn't get married till our girl was 2 (same girl)!!Now the same people have sons chasing my daughter that they called the bastard child on the bus when she was little!!!I think if I'm not good enough maybe my daughter should be too good for them!!!So how do I handle this situation????The kid never paid any attention to her on the bus till she had growth spurt this winter!!Now he's all horny for her and doing the whole 'nice guy' routine!!!!I tried the 'I was a teenage guy once and I know what he's up to' speech but it was he's not like that!!!Bulls...!!I'm not wanting this to turn her into one of those rebelious little brats that starts sneaking out and running around when I say no!!!Any female advice would be great because me and the wife are stumped!!I miss the days when I was young with the one phone in the house and didn't go out dating till you could drive yourself!!.....HELP!!!!!....

been their 19 yr old daughter best thing we did is no dates until 16 but she could go out with a group of friends and we would drop her off and pick her up seemed to work real well. U need to give her a little room and trust her this will give u the best result but a little each time and when I met the boys I would give them a good firm handshake , most of the boys caught on real well . good luck

 

[JaySimon]

The Brutal Spanking - YouTube

Kid got off lucky.

 

[Snow Angel]

Supposedly im pre approved by most any credit card company. So i imagine the same applies here? Lol

Sent while not working too hard

Last I checked... I wasn't up for SALE!!! LOL

 

[byronkentgraham]

The Brutal Spanking - YouTube

i don't even want to know what you were looking up to find this....

 

[Med1ogre]

Nothing I shouldn't be.... Just a coincidence

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