goodngrubby
Active VIP Member
I'm sure this has gone around already, but it still makes me laugh.
1. Go to your local snowmobile repair shop, smile and give the first guy
you see $200. This will get you used to spending money there on a regular
basis.
2. Fill a 50-gallon barrel with sand. Lower it into a hole. Now lift it out.
If you can, then add water to the sand and try it again. Do this 5 times per
day. This will get your back in shape for those deep snow stucks.
3. Tie a rope to a heavy-duty spring. Pull the rope repeatedly with each arm
until the pain in your shoulders meets somewhere in middle of your back.
This will get you in shape for starting your bud's sled, which he
conveniently forgot was out of gas and didn't tell you. It's best to do this
exercise while someone is spraying starting fluid into your nose and eyes.
4. Drink four ounces of cod liver oil mixed with a strong laxative. Dress
with long underwear, wool pants, snowmobile bibs, insulated boots and heavy
coat. Walk far into the woods without any paper products and wait for a
personal emergency. This will prepare you for the "Bad Beer" sh&%s that come
out of nowhere, and at the wrong time.
5. Put the carburetor from your lawn mower in the bottom of your deep
freeze. Place your hands in a bucket of ice water for 20 minutes. Now climb
in the deep freeze, shut the lid and overhaul it while holding a pen light
in your mouth. This gets you prepared to work on your sled in the freezing
cold and black of night. Advanced riders do this with a leatherman tool.
6. Dress up in your new $350 snowmobile bibs. Pour 2 stroke oil down the
right leg, gasoline down the other and Peppermint Schnapps and Beer all over
the front. Fill your boots with ice cubes and ask your wife or girlfriend to
dance. This will prepare her for the stops at the local bar after a ride.
7. Put on a Balaclava and a full-face helmet. Attempt to drink hot chocolate
through the opening. Advanced riders attempt this while riding a lawn
tractor over in the nearest farmers' field.
8. Find a place where you can pay $5.50 a gallon for regular gas, $29.99 per
quart of oil, $16 for a hamburger and frozen French fries, $3 for a coke and
$60 to sleep in a cold cabin on a bed with springs sticking through the
mattress. Stay for two nights, minimum. This will prepare you on the high
cost of your future winter trips.
9. Practice explaining to your banker why you need another loan for a
$60,000 truck to pull the four $10,000 toys, in your $9,000 trailer that you
still owe $60,000 on.
Now, you are 50% ready, and somewhat conditioned to head for the trails and
ride your sled.
1. Go to your local snowmobile repair shop, smile and give the first guy
you see $200. This will get you used to spending money there on a regular
basis.
2. Fill a 50-gallon barrel with sand. Lower it into a hole. Now lift it out.
If you can, then add water to the sand and try it again. Do this 5 times per
day. This will get your back in shape for those deep snow stucks.
3. Tie a rope to a heavy-duty spring. Pull the rope repeatedly with each arm
until the pain in your shoulders meets somewhere in middle of your back.
This will get you in shape for starting your bud's sled, which he
conveniently forgot was out of gas and didn't tell you. It's best to do this
exercise while someone is spraying starting fluid into your nose and eyes.
4. Drink four ounces of cod liver oil mixed with a strong laxative. Dress
with long underwear, wool pants, snowmobile bibs, insulated boots and heavy
coat. Walk far into the woods without any paper products and wait for a
personal emergency. This will prepare you for the "Bad Beer" sh&%s that come
out of nowhere, and at the wrong time.
5. Put the carburetor from your lawn mower in the bottom of your deep
freeze. Place your hands in a bucket of ice water for 20 minutes. Now climb
in the deep freeze, shut the lid and overhaul it while holding a pen light
in your mouth. This gets you prepared to work on your sled in the freezing
cold and black of night. Advanced riders do this with a leatherman tool.
6. Dress up in your new $350 snowmobile bibs. Pour 2 stroke oil down the
right leg, gasoline down the other and Peppermint Schnapps and Beer all over
the front. Fill your boots with ice cubes and ask your wife or girlfriend to
dance. This will prepare her for the stops at the local bar after a ride.
7. Put on a Balaclava and a full-face helmet. Attempt to drink hot chocolate
through the opening. Advanced riders attempt this while riding a lawn
tractor over in the nearest farmers' field.
8. Find a place where you can pay $5.50 a gallon for regular gas, $29.99 per
quart of oil, $16 for a hamburger and frozen French fries, $3 for a coke and
$60 to sleep in a cold cabin on a bed with springs sticking through the
mattress. Stay for two nights, minimum. This will prepare you on the high
cost of your future winter trips.
9. Practice explaining to your banker why you need another loan for a
$60,000 truck to pull the four $10,000 toys, in your $9,000 trailer that you
still owe $60,000 on.
Now, you are 50% ready, and somewhat conditioned to head for the trails and
ride your sled.
