Joke of the Day

arff

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This looks right
 

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Bounce

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Woman Drivers:

This morning on the Henday,
I looked over to my left and there was a


Woman

In a brand new
Cadillac

Doing 65 mph


With her
Face up next to her
Rear view mirror

Putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away
For a couple seconds...

to continue shaving

And when I looked back she was
Halfway over in my lane,


Still working on that makeup.

As a man,
I don't scare easily.

But she scared me so much;
I dropped

My electric shaver

Which knocked the donut
out of my other hand.

In all The confusion of trying
To straighten out the car

Using my knees against
The steering wheel,

It knocked
My Cell phone
Away from my ear


Which fell

Into the coffee

Between my legs!

Splashed,

And burned

Big Jim and the Twins,

Ruined the damn phone,

Soaked my trousers,

And disconnected an
Important call.

Damn women drivers.!
 

Harp

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- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---

SORRY in advance I had to post it!!!:eek:

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
 
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