Required: Sense of humor

[albertagal500]

This is want cards are all about. someecards.com | ecards for when you care enough to hit send | home

[albertagal500]

[albertagal500]

[albertagal500]

[albertagal500]

[BIGFOOT]

Hey 'albertagal500'..... PLEASE take a number !!! So we can grenade these threads.... LOL! Kidding

[albertagal500]

Ron said I could have one thread for my funnys and jokes. So this is it.

[BIGFOOT]

SOOOOOOOOOO ! you are not taking a number ?? More to come ?

[albertagal500]

Just wait. I am just getting started.

[albertagal500]

A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen wants to be paid.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those a$$holes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the he!! ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little $hit$
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season.

[albertagal500]

Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner.Christmas was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for Christmas."


Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol's mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for Christmas. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.

Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for Christmas. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.



LETTER 1:
Dear God:
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for Christmas. I want a red one.

Your friend,
Carol

Carol knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.



LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I would like a red bike for my Christmas.
Thank you,
Carol

Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started again.



LETTER 3:
Dear God:

I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a
good girl if you just send me a red bike for Christmas.
Thank you,
Carol


Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol's mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.

"Just be home in time for dinner," her mother said.

Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.



LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA .
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO

[flatlandguy]

Hey Alberta Gal, thanks for the funnies I like the santa poem, just might be true!! What are you going to do when you can get back to work and don't have so much time to sit in front of your computer? Or did you ever get someone else to do chores for you? I presume you must have, sounds like you got pretty busted up, what happened? quad or horse?